My Toddler Got Kicked Out of Daycare — What Should I Do Next?
You got a call. Or a note. Or maybe they sat you down at pickup and said something like, "We just don't think this is the right fit for your child."
And now you're driving home with your toddler in the backseat, blissfully unaware he just got expelled from daycare, and you're trying not to cry because you don't actually know what happens next.
First: you're not alone. Toddler behavior problems at daycare are one of the most common reasons families reach out to early childhood specialists. And hearing that your child was "sent home from daycare" doesn't mean something is permanently wrong with them.
It means they need support. And so do you.
Why Do Toddlers Get Expelled from Daycare?
The short answer: toddler brains do best in 1:1 care and even with small class sizes the teachers are rarely able to provide the attention many toddlers need. Early childhood development is a wild ride, and behaviors like biting, hitting, screaming, or refusing transitions aren't signs of a "bad kid." They're typical signs of a kid whose communication skills are lagging behind their feelings.
Some of the most common behaviors that lead to a daycare saying "your child is not a good fit":
• Biting other children
• Hitting, kicking, or throwing objects
• Eloping (running away from the group or out of the classroom)
• Extreme meltdowns that disrupt the rest of the class
• Difficulty with transitions or following group routines
Here's what most daycares won't tell you: they often don't have the staffing or training to support a child who needs more individualized behavior strategies. That's not always their fault — but it does mean the burden falls on your family to figure out what's next.
Is My Toddler Normal?
Yes — and also, "normal" is doing a lot of heavy lifting in that question.
Toddlers are tiny humans who are learning to regulate emotions, communicate needs, and navigate social situations, all at the same time, all in a body that hasn't caught up with their brain yet. In my observations across early childhood classrooms the last 12 years, the kids who get flagged as "behavior problems" are often some of the most curious, emotionally intelligent, and expressive children in the room.
That doesn't mean the behaviors don't need to change. It means we need to understand why they're happening before we can actually help.
Behavior is communication. Always. A toddler who bites isn't being malicious — they're telling you something in the only language they have available to them right now.
What Should You Do First?
Take a deep breath. Call your partner and support system. Then take these steps.
1. Ask for specifics — not just a summary
Before you leave that conversation with daycare, ask: what exactly is happening, when does it happen, and what have they already tried? You need the details, not just "he's been having a hard time." This information matters for figuring out the function of the behavior — meaning, what your child is getting out of it (escape, attention, a sensory need) — and that's what drives the solution.
2. Don't assume the worst about your child — or yourself
A daycare dismissal can feel like a verdict on your parenting. It isn't. Kids behave differently in different environments, with different people, under different levels of stress. Getting sent home from daycare is data, not a diagnosis.
3. Consider an early childhood behavior consultation
This is where someone trained in applied behavior analysis (ABA) — specifically in early childhood settings — can step in and do a real assessment. Not a "here's a sticker chart" fix. An actual look at what's driving the behavior, what the environment looks like, and what strategies will realistically work for your child and your family.
4. Talk to your pediatrician
Especially if this has been an ongoing pattern, it's worth a conversation with your child's doctor. They can rule out anything developmental that might be contributing and can refer you to the right specialists if needed.
5. Don't just find a new daycare and hope for the best
I know the instinct is to find a different setting and start fresh. But if the behaviors are driven by something your child needs — more structure, clearer expectations, sensory supports, a different way of transitioning — they'll follow your child to the next daycare. Getting the right support now saves everyone a lot of pain later.
What Behavior Support Actually Looks Like for Toddlers (It's Not What You Think)
Behavior analysis has a reputation for being clinical, rigid, and — honestly — a little cold. That's not what early childhood behavior support looks like when it's done well.
Good early childhood behavioral support looks like: figuring out what your kid is trying to tell you, teaching them a better way to say it, and giving the adults in their world the tools to respond consistently. It looks like play. It looks like routine. It looks like actual human connection — just with a framework behind it.
At Teacher of the Tiny, that's exactly the kind of support we offer — to children, to parents, and to the early childhood providers who care for them.
You Don't Have to Figure This Out Alone
If your toddler was just sent home from daycare — or you're watching a pattern that worries you — I want you to know this: behaviors change. Kids grow. And with the right support, even the hardest stretches become stories you tell later with a little bit of pride.
You don't have to have it figured out. You just have to take the next step.
